How to Talk With Boys About Porn (Before the Internet Does)

Kids don’t expect you to know everything. What they’re really looking for is a safe adult—someone who listens without judgment, tells the truth without shame, and makes it okay to be curious. The conversation about porn isn’t just about screens or sex acts; it’s about the bigger things: values, relationships, respect, and safety. It’s a chance to help your son understand the difference between performance and connection, between what he sees online and what he deserves in real life.

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What Netflix’ Adolescence Can Teach Us About How We See Boys

While Adolescence is telling a devastating story, it is also telling a limited one. We see adults acting professionally and adults falling apart, but this show doesn’t show us what curious and compassionate adults look like in the face of boys’ pain and harm. We see angry boys and hurt boys, boys carrying fear and boys bluffing with bravado, but we don’t see the thoughtful, clear-eyed and gentle masculinity that is already being championed by boys who will become the next generation of men.

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Research Report: What We’ve Learned About the Online Lives of Boys Who Are Embracing Positive Masculinity

As part of our ongoing mission to support boys’ well-being, my colleagues and I decided to take on a research project designed to better understand their feelings, stresses and needs. What we uncovered was a surprising distance between their beliefs and attitudes about toxic and positive masculinity, and their lived experiences—particularly online.

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An Odyssey in Black

For the first time in my life, I was free of the endless internal verbal abuse I would typically subject myself to. Within this newfound reprieve from decades-old self-loathing, I finally saw that there was hope for me. 

I was beginning to feel what it meant to be free, and understand that this kind of freedom was attainable.

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